


The Beakers and the Microscopes

by The_Forgotten_Nobody



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: 'The Talk', Awkwardness, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-29
Updated: 2013-12-29
Packaged: 2018-01-06 14:36:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1108022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Forgotten_Nobody/pseuds/The_Forgotten_Nobody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mycroft must give his brother the dreaded Talk. Sherlock will not make this easy for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Beakers and the Microscopes

A fourteen year old Sherlock was contentedly carrying out an experiment in his room when he was disturbed by three quick knocks against his bedroom door. Immediately, Sherlock scowled. He would know that precise knock anywhere. The knocker did not wait for approval to come in and a few milliseconds later in waltzed Mycroft Holmes- twenty-one year old older brother of Sherlock Holmes. Said older brother wasted no time in gracefully situating himself on the nearest arm chair and folding one leg over the other, all the while ignoring the death glare he was receiving from Sherlock.

"What do you want Mycroft. I'm busy," Sherlock spat, attempting to carry on with experiment but finding his brother's presence too distracting.

Mycroft raised an eyebrow at his brother's tone but otherwise looked outwardly calm. There was a hint of something there though that Sherlock could not recognise and it disturbed him. Mycroft arriving without any obvious reason was disconcerting in itself and that just made it worse.

"It has come to my attention that you are approaching that point in adolescence where your body is beginning to change and you will experience new things. As I will be leaving shortly I have decided that this would be the optimum time to discuss such information with you."

Sherlock scoffed, irritably pushing his over-sized goggles onto his forehead. "Honestly Mycroft. I know this already. Everyone goes through puberty. You may leave."

"While I know you understand that you are going through puberty you are unaware of the full details that schools fail to handle in an effective manner. You need to be taught, to use a common phrase, the birds and bees properly. Or perhaps you would prefer a more suiting phrase – the beakers and the microscopes?"

"One would never understand why you never became a comedian," Sherlock muttered. Blue grey eyes then narrowed. "Did Mummy put you up to this? If she did tell her it is unnecessary. I have no intention in ever pursuing a relationship with any of the dull beings in our society so would you leave!" Sherlock demanded and pulled his goggles back over his eyes.

A sigh escaped Mycroft's lips. "It may be true that you do not wish to partake in a relationship or anything of that nature now, however that may not stay the same for the future. You may wish to…experiment. You need to know the proper way to go about these things and I will inform you of a way that is more suited to our disposition."

Mycroft's eye twitched when he noticed that Sherlock's attention was not on him. Instead, most of his brother's concentration was back on the experiment he had been working on previously.

"Sherlock!" He snapped and then smirked when Sherlock stopped and stiffened. Satisfied that his younger brother was once again listening he carried on in a more even tone. "Now, I do not really want to have this conversation any more than you but it is a requirement in order to ensure that you have a fulfilling and safe sexual life should you choose to have one".

"We could easily just tell Mummy we had this conversation. She would never know," Sherlock attempted to persuade but there was no convincing the reigning master of manipulation and persuasion.

Mycroft rolled his eyes. "Of course she would. It's  _Mummy._ " Sherlock huffed as he silently agreed.

"Fine then. Get on with it." A wave of the hand was all that was given before Sherlock moved to slump down onto the bed and allow his head to hang off the side. For other people, the blood would rush to their head quickly but Sherlock's face stayed its pale shade and he did not appear bothered.

"I was trying before you ignored me. Now, you may find that you may start to get certain…urges…"

"Like the urge you get to scoff cake down at two in the morning?" Sherlock asked innocently and grinned when he heard Mycroft's jaw click down to stop a verbal reaction.

"As I was saying, you may get certain urges and you should not be alarmed as they are perfectly normal…"

"Normal is dull," complained Sherlock and once again Mycroft's jaw snapped shut.

"Quiet. These urges, while they may seem uncontrollable can be easily over-come by our minds. Though our body may tell us one thing; our mind can be the sense of reason and tell it another if the will is strong enough. There may be times however, that it may be seemingly impossible and you may want to act on it though they will be few and far between as our minds are more competent than others. This is where you should be careful Sherlock. Not many people can remain unattached in emotional situations like us and they will most likely want a connection between the two of you while you will just want a release. You must make that perfectly clear if you do not want that connection and respect their wishes. You must,' Mycroft repeated when Sherlock looked to complain, 'because though they may not be as smart you must still take their opinion into consideration lest you be sent to prison. If that does happen I will not bail you out for at least a six months." Mycroft smiled slightly at Sherlock's annoyed grunt.

"There may be a time when you do feel like involving yourself in the romantic side and considering a full relationship with another person.'

"Like you and that new receptionist at your work?" Sherlock interrupted but he was ignored.

"And you should know it does not matter what gender they are.'

"Ah, I knew it was the trainee! It's always the one you don't expect!" Unfortunately for Sherlock, there was again no rise to the bait.

"What you should know, however, is that you must always use protection until you know that both of you are clean of STD's but do not take their word for it. Find out yourself to make sure."

"Speaking from experience are we?" Sherlock asked snidely and smirked when Mycroft glared at him.

"Take this seriously Sherlock!" He ordered. Sherlock idly thought he was beginning to see a vein stick out on Mycroft's forehead and wondered how long it would take for him to be able to make it especially visible.

"You asked me to listen and I am. You said no such thing about taking it seriously and refraining from expressing my thoughts." The younger of the two absently started fiddling with a loose thread on his bed sheets.

"Then I implore that you do so now. I shall continue. If you do choose to explore sexually with a woman then the use of protection should be continued throughout. You can never rely on such contraceptives and while you may think it a gift to society – having many mini-Sherlock's running around- it will not be good when you are forced to take a certain responsibility towards them. And you will Sherlock. Holmes' do not run away when things become difficult. Understand?"

"Yes, yes, mini-me's bad, protection good. Any more?"

"Yes. There may be times where you are unable to find a suitable partner to satisfy your needs and you may have to take care of it yourself."

"Now this is definitely from experience. Don't think I haven't heard the noises in the west bathroom." Internally, Sherlock grinned. The vein's visibility had doubled.

"Silence Sherlock!" Mycroft's face had turned slightly darker – the closest to a blush he would ever get. "Again this is perfectly natural and it should not be avoided if the need is great enough lest you experience unsatisfying consequences."

"Is that why you sometimes get that odd expression on your face, similar to the one where you've eaten too much at one of Mummy's parties. I have noticed it after you see Mummy's friend Alicia's daughter. Why, it all makes perfect sense now!" Sherlock crowed, like he had made a life-changing discovery.

The vein looked close to popping out of Mycroft's head. "Must I keep repeating myself? Keep your comments to yourself Sherlock! Now remember, this should be done privately so you do not make anyone uncomfortable should they happen to hear or stumble upon you. Normal people cannot delete such incidents and they will most likely feel ill at ease when they next see you."

"What if I never see them again?"

"You should still never do it."

"Not going to be a problem."

"Never the less you need to know. Most important from all of this is that you should never allow anyone to take advantage of you. You must only do what you feel comfortable with and no more. Do not allow anyone to pressure you into doing things you do not want to do," Mycroft said seriously.

"Do you think I am an idiot Mycroft? I will only do what I want and nothing different," Sherlock sniffed, insulted.

"Far be it for me to disagree but dear brother, you do have a tendency to be slightly naïve when it comes to social conduct. You may not realise what is happening until it is too late. Just make sure you stay at least two feet away from people who do not seem completely safe and most of all do not trust someone until I have had their background checked."

Sherlock scowled and moved himself so he was sitting upright on his bed. "I am perfectly capable of looking after myself Mycroft. I do not need a baby-sitter, especially not you!"

"You have no choice. I will be watching you while I am gone Sherlock, make no mistake of that. I do not trust you to not keep yourself out of trouble while there is only Mummy to look after you," Mycroft snipped, getting increasingly annoyed with his brother's stubborn attitude.

"Just for that, I am going to delete this conversation!" Sherlock announced with a smug grin on his face. He knew that Mummy would know if he didn't remember the conversation and force Mycroft to do it again and Mycroft also knew this.  _That will teach him from prying into my business,_  Sherlock thought when he saw the delightful look of agitation on his brother's face.

"Don't you dare Sherlock!" Mycroft loudly demanded as he shot up from his chair but it was too late. A far away look crossed Sherlock's face before he stared at Mycroft.

"What are you doing in my room? What did you make me delete?" Sherlock questioned with anger in his tone.

"You…" Mycroft couldn't say anything. He needed to leave before he hurt something, or namely, someone. Without sparing a glance to Sherlock he strode from the room, making sure to slam the door on his way out. Only that boy could infuriate Mycroft enough to lose his composure.

It didn't take long for Mummy to come across Mycroft and she looked at him expectantly. "So how did it go dear?" Mycroft said nothing and realisation dawned on her face. "He deleted it again did he?" She sighed. "Well, you know what they say, third time's the charm!" Mummy looked him in the eye, as if daring him to argue with her like he had done the previous time.

Mycroft mentally screamed in frustration. "Tomorrow Mummy."

"Tomorrow," she agreed then squinted at Mycroft's forehead.

"Did you know you have a vein sticking out of your head dear? You may want to get that checked."

Mummy walked away and Mycroft touched his forehead before sighing. Only Sherlock. At least this time nothing got thrown at him.


End file.
